The Rejected parent newsletter

This newsletter is for parents who are being rejected by their children and those who support them. I will be sending regular newsletters to give suggestions and support to parents dealing with rejection from their children on all levels. I generally support parents whose children are 18 years and under; however, some of this will apply to parents with adult children as well.

Hello Reader,

The fear of losing your child forever is real. You feel helpless because no one seems to understand how painful it is not seeing your child for a week. The longer time passes without seeing your child, the harder it is to get a text response. Face-to-face time has stopped, and they may have blocked you on their phone. It’s impossible to know how your child is doing without contact with your co-parent.

As a family therapist, I’ve seen many cases like yours. I’ve worked with families who needed help repairing their relationships with their children. Children would be in panic mode or be resistant to having a therapy session with their rejected parent but were sometimes unable to state why.

The Solution: Emotional Connection

Putting your children’s rejection into the context of their developmental need for validation and emotional support helps to solve the problem of reconnecting with them again. Believing your co-parent, the court, or someone else created this problem will keep you stuck. I want you to be able to move forward and not be in that stuck place, feeling like no one is there for you to help get your child back. There may be many obstacles in your way; however, some things can help you when it feels like the court is against you.

What most parents who are being rejected by their children don’t realize is: The route to reestablishing a healthy relationship with your child starts when you give more attention to their emotional needs and viewpoint.

Understanding your child’s world, emotional perspective, and developmental needs helps you find doors to reconnect with them. When you emotionally join your children in their world, they feel seen and heard. It’s like you acknowledge that they matter and are important to you. When you understand your child’s developmental needs, you will see a clearer path to connect with them in a way that makes them feel you get them.

Children often don’t feel seen in their families. When they feel understood, they feel valued. That helps strengthen their self-esteem and sense of who they are as they relate to the world around them. Connecting with children through their emotions creates a stronger bond between a parent and a child. Simply put, it builds safety between a child and parent. Children feel they can be themselves, and they are still accepted. All their feelings matter. How they think about life is important, too, not just what adults express.

While it may feel like all hope is gone at times, I have seen many cases where even after prolonged periods-years- of separation, the child comes back to the parent and a relationship is rebuilt. Don’t stop hoping; don’t stop trying. Learn the tools to understand their emotional world and how to express that understanding, and keep reaching out. Reconnection is possible.

-Cathy Himlin