The Rejected parent newsletter

This newsletter is for parents who are being rejected by their children and those who support them. I will be sending regular newsletters to give suggestions and support to parents dealing with rejection from their children on all levels. I generally support parents whose children are 18 years and under; however, some of this will apply to parents with adult children as well.

Hello Reader,

One Dad, let’s call him Henry, hadn’t seen their child for weeks due to a recent separation. They tried FaceTime, text, and phone calls with their child, but their calls only lasted a few minutes, no matter what topic he tried to bring up. His child didn't seem to want to talk.

Finally, the dad was granted parenting time with their child and wasn’t sure how to connect with them again. These calls and texts seemed awkward since he moved out of the home. Now, he could only go to a public place and not bring their child home.

Henry tried different restaurants. He had a list of topics he brought up at these dinners, but the child wasn’t very talkative and barely made eye contact with him. What was Henry doing wrong? Nothing, and he needed to add something that was missing.

If you find yourself in a situation like this, remember that it's normal for things to feel a bit awkward after a period of separation. The day-to-day routine has been interrupted, and your child may be feeling a bit confused. It’s okay to have some awkward silence. Just be patient and give it time.

If you’ve been in this situation, like Henry, try doing something your child likes to do:

1. Shoot hoops or play catch.
2. Ride bikes at a park.
3. Go shopping.
4. Hike in nature and pick out cool and interesting bugs.
5. Build a model or Legos.
6. Have a tea party.
7. Make your favorite foods together.
8. Take a board game to a local library or bookstore to play.

Sitting a child down to “talk'' does not work well with most kids. Sometimes, it feels intimidating, and they can shut down on you. Instead, engaging in positive activities can allow you to be vulnerable with your child. And it will allow your child to express their feelings with you safely.

In general, children are more open to conversation when they are doing something else simultaneously. Checking in with your child daily is helpful and sets up a routine they can rely on. Also, keep up with their current activities and interests and ask about them. For example, start watching their favorite show to understand the characters so you can talk with your child about them. You could study more about the gymnastics moves they are being trained in. If they play video games, then get a call name and ask to play with them sometimes.

Always maintain a positive outlook about your child’s world and your role in it. Let them know that you're there for them whenever they need you. Keep checking in regularly and continue to engage in fun and positive activities when you're together. This will help foster a sense of optimism and hope for the future.

-Cathy Himlin